he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
