people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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