My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
3 2 1 whiskey
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
