So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
