I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come share oat with me in your robe
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
