Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
