im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you traded sex for a burrito?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how drunk are you?
Several
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
