It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
