you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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