Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
