ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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