I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
