I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
