Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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