if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
