I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
