I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
