is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
