Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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