Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
