Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think your dad took our porno
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
