Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
