Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
