woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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