yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
