woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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