So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
bring money and cleavage
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
