life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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