i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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