hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
