We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
