She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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