he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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