I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
