I want to have your abortion
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
