I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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