note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
