Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
