I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
