ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
