I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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