I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have started to decorate penises.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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