i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
