So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All the doctor said was why
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
