1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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