He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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