And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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