whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
