By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
