Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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