It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
