Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
