i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?