me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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