Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
