i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
