you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
