thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
