so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
