If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize