I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
