OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
