I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
