No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
