You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
