I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
