So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
