Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
