I seem to have left my pride at pride
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
