When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
