After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
