Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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