It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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