The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
