Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
