ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up under a house in Key West
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