tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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