I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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