you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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