I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize